I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
