First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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