You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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