She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
