Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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