do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
