Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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