I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
