The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
