I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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