dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
