I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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