I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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