you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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