I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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