do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
