So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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