How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
