I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
