and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The Olympian is in my bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
