He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
