bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
