yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So much rum. So many feels.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
