dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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