It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
