i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize