Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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