This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize