when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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