Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
