i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
