she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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