Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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