as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
