actually, I'm a sock model
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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