Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
