They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
