Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my being single is dangerous.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize