omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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