Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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