we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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