Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
