It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
