you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
