I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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