upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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