I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
