ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
