He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
