Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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