ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
