Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
