I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
