So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
