Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
