mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
