and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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