I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
