There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize