i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
