If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
