sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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