Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
