You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
