He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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