Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
