WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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