After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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