Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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