Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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