So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
