I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
