i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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