Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
