oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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