they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Life is so much better after having sex.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
