OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
