Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
