i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
