Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
