I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
