I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry about my life...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize