i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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