tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
