ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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