Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
