dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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