I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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