I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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