in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
