I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
