Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
