My balls are so social today.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
